Saturday, 12 February 2011

A conversation with fear

So, here you are again my friend, my companion, my teacher, my guide, my nemesis. Did you ever leave? Probably not. How many conversations have we had? Too many? Not enough? Do they ever stop?
I think from the first breath I swallowed Fear. Watching, waiting, biding.

With Saturn in the Eighth House, sitting on top of my Sun Sign in Virgo there was probably little chance I would live a life free of fear. Saturn is the fear-master; the symbol of death although Pluto is often far more fearful and death-bringing. But Fear is part and parcel of the Saturn energy and here you are, here you have always been. Does it mean you will stay?

No, comes the word in my mind. When the lesson is learned there will be no fear.

Is being in a state of no fear the same as being fearless or without fear?

Yes and No comes the answer. The key to Fear is to observe it but not be it; to see it but not run from it; to feel it but not be consumed by it; to accept that it just is what it is.

More easily said than done I reply, to Fear or to Saturn or to God or to my Guardian Angel or to whatever consciousness is talking to me, in me and through me. Or even to me if I am talking to myself. Maybe I need a good talking to.

It is meant to be, comes the reply. If it were easy it would not achieve. Nothing happens without effort; nothing is gained without practice. To practise, in the face of fearful situations, feelings or thoughts to be without Fear is to learn not just mastery of Self but mastery of Fear. When we master Fear we master everything for Fear is the greatest test of all. When there is nothing that you Fear you are liberated. You need nothing, you demand nothing, you Fear nothing, not even Fear itself.

So, it is all happening for a reason, I ask.

Absolutely, comes the reply.

Well, that makes me feel better, I respond, not really believing what I am saying.

You don't have to believe it; you just have to be it. Believe has Be It contained within. It also has Live.

It also has evil!

Of course it does, for evil is no more than Live turned backwards; life not lived as it should be lived is evil. In essence evil is no more than ignorance.

But not everyone lives a life where Fear is such a presence.

Not everyone has the same lessons to learn. You are judging it as a negative when in fact it is a gift which is invaluable on the path to Self Mastery and spiritual power.

Are you saying this is the only way to learn those things to become those things?

No, it is just the way for you and some others to do it.

I am not sure if that makes me feel better.

It is not meant to, it just is. You are choosing how you define Fear and what it means to you. You can choose to change that.

Yes, I do know that the physiological response for Fear is the same as that for Excitement. All that is different is perception and interpretation.


But fear must serve a purpose; adrenaline boost and all that.

Except you have just said that excitement does the same thing.

I think I would find it hard to be excited coming face to face with a lion or a car on the wrong side of the road.

That is your choice. At such times of true danger, other responses kick in. Most Fear and all of yours is about things which have not happened and probably will never happen. It is Maybe Fear! Fearing something which is pure imagining serves no purpose.

You just said it did. This is my lesson.

But you may choose to complete the lesson at any time. You are producing the imagined fears because you need to learn.

That sounds far too simple.

Things usually are. People make things complex by what they choose to believe.

I think I have said that more than once. How much easier it is to say things to others than to one's self.

There is no point giving advice if you have not used it yourself. It is the experience which makes it manifest.

I feel I have learned almost nothing when it comes to Fear.

You don't really believe that. You have come a long way but what you want is not Self Mastery of Fear but for someone to take Fear away completely. That won't happen. It can't happen. You may have been born with more hard-wiring for Fear than others but you are the only one who can master Fear and live a life without fear.

And it's not about unresolves traumas in the past? I don't have to find things which happened and understand the programming?

Such things are useful in terms of understanding how you have become who you are but as you know, understanding does not necessarily change anything.

What about re-programming, there are a few methods for that?

It can work but you don't believe in it so it won't work for you.

What about hypnosis, therapy, acupuncture, past life regression?

They can all help and for some they cure but not for you. But you know that.

Yes, I do and I have tried some of them. Which leaves God just taking it all away. Gone in an instant.... I know, that works for some but not for me.

Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Walk your Path to become all that you are meant to be. You have a particular lesson to learn here but there is no-one on this earth who lives without Fear and most live with a great deal of it most of the time. Mastering Fear would take humanity on a huge leap forward.

But that sounds so trite. There is a circular feeling to all of this. Around and around and around. How many years spent observing Fear while flying, driving in fast cars or crazy freeways, being on or in the ocean or deep water, becoming unwell or thinking about illness and not a lot seems to change.

You are no longer the feelings. You have gained great wisdom and self mastery when feeling Fear.

Yes, but.....there must be reasons why I am not comfortable flying, driving in fast cars etc. etc. all through the Fear Trigger List?

There are, but that is not the point. You know most of the reasons and have guessed the rest. It hasn't changed much. The change has come through the work, through the practice of observing from a calm place. I know, you just want to never feel Fear again and I have to tell you that will not happen. What will happen and where the Path will take you is to a place where you have no Fear of feeling Fear and the nature of Fear will have changed.  But mostly, you will not Fear thoughts or feelings which you call fearful. That is the only place to find peace of mind. The place where you are completely at peace with all you think, do, experience and feel.

God it's hard .... but I know what you mean. I stopped having anxiety attacks when I stopped being frightened of them; I stopped getting profoundly depressed when I stopped being frightened of feeling depressed.

It is harder than it needs to be. Greet Fear as a welcome friend every time and you will lose your Fear of Fear which means you will live a life which is without Fear. Feelings are feelings; words are interpretations. Words lock feelings into the negative or the positive. You choose the words you use and you choose what those words mean. Change the word or the meaning and you change what you experience.

But at the start of all this you said I would reach a place without Fear. This sounds like there is still Fear but I don't mind.

If you don't Mind it doesn't Matter. You have said that. What you Fear is a certain kind of Fear. That is the Fear which will pass. Changing your words and interpretations will change the nature of  the experience and the Fear that you Fear will be no more.

Believe in the purpose of things and trust the process?

What other choice is there?

I am sure there are plenty including Drugs, Denial and Distraction.

You have tried all of those and you know they don't work.

I thought I tried embracing Fear as a friend?

It remained a Friend you Feared. It's easy to do work in your head, all that Aquarian energy in your Moon and Rising sign, but the real work is experiential... it is practised, not thought about, talked about or reduced to words. It is physical practice.

I am clearly a slow learner.

But at least you learn. Slow and steady wins the race but of course, this is not a race. There is no contest here, just you grappling with aspects of Self to become who you are and who you want to be.

I'm not sure talking to myself or thinking Fear is talking to me is going to get me far.

You didn't listen. The way is not of words or talking, the way forward is through doing and being as you practise what you preach.

Ouch, that felt and sounded like a dig.

It was a reminder. Easy answers are not answers they are distractions. They take your mind off the job and make you think you feel better but the work remains. Practise, practise, practise. No mastery of anything is possible without practice. Whether it be a sport, a musical instrument, artistic expression, language... whatever, no skill is mastered without practice. Mastery of Self is no different. Why would it be?

Good question. I don't feel I have learned anything I didn't know.

You haven't. That's the point. You know what needs to be done so stop looking for ways to avoid doing it. Just do it; be it. Live it don't talk it.

The seventh lesson on the spiritual path is Live it don't just talk it.